The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”

So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars?”

The mother replied, “Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars?”

The girl replied, “Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Johnny Depp and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?”

The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars?”

“Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?”

The boy replied, “Yes, ‘Potentially’, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but ‘realistically’, we’re living with two hookers and a future congressman.”

1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8

(2) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.
The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’
The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’.

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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, ‘They will in a minute.’

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to ‘honour’ thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’

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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ‘Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?’
Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, ‘Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?’

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘there’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.’
‘Yes,’ the class said.
‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’
A little fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Why do some people act like kids when they get behind the wheel? Well to answer this AXA group have started a new campaign on Facebook called I respect the road to encourage drivers to grow up.

Watch the highly amusing video below that AXA have recently released and see if it seems familiar to you at all. Enjoy!

If you wish to join the movement, you can find it at Facebook.com/irespecttheroad

There are many ways to child proof your home and the owner of this video seems to think getting a dog is one of the best solutions. Confused? Then watch this funny video to see what I mean.

EMBED-Childproof Drawer – Watch more free videos

This is a mothers story of panic and fear as her son was trapped inside a claw machine at a restaurant in Perth, Australia. Two year old Cohen Stone somehow managed to climb inside the sweet machine and was unable to get back out.

Perhaps he didn’t climb back out as he just did not want to leave, isn’t it every child’s fantasy to be in a pool of sweets and teddies.

But for the mother the situation was a nightmare and caused a frantic rescue effort at the restaurant where his mother Kyra, 24, had taken him to a birthday party.

Kyra had taken her eyes off the little scamp for just a few seconds then turned to discover Cohen had become one of the prizes to be won among the sweets and soft teddy bears.

Kyra, from Perth in Western Australia, said: ‘I had been playing with him in the children’s area but took my eye off him for two minutes as the food arrived at our table.

Read Cohen’s terrified mother’s report of the incidence.

‘When I turned back, he was inside the machine. My first thought was “Oh my God”.

‘I just couldn’t believe what he had done in that space of time. He was there one minute, inside it the next, like a magician’s trick.

‘At first I wasn’t too stressed. I started to search the back of the machine for a big hole he must have climbed through, then on top of the machine.

‘It was then that I realized he must have climbed through a small hatch where you collect your prize from and got in through that way. It was the only way inside.

‘The hole was tiny. I have no idea how he did it. That’s when I started to panic. I didn’t know how I was going to get him out.’

Customers and even workers – including the chef – at Siena’s restaurant gathered around the toddler in disbelief.

Kyra said: ‘The restaurant owner called his wife to bring keys for the machine, but when she arrived there were no keys that fitted the lock.

‘Then workers phoned the hire company who owned the machine.’

She added: ‘I was trying to keep calm myself and keep Cohen happy. I made up a game where I told him to throw the teddy bears down the chute where he had climbed up and told him he could eat one of the lollies he was sitting on.

‘He was getting very hot from being inside the machine, especially with all the lights.

‘So I got the machine turned off, opened the hatch and was trying to fan him with one of the restaurant’s menus.

‘It was steaming up inside but we eventually got a fan turned on, facing the machine.’

A customer also phoned a local locksmith. He arrived within minutes but didn’t have the right tools with him.

After going back to his workshop, he returned and was able to open the arcade machine door.

Kyra, who works at a country golf club, said: ‘Cohen was in the machine for about 45 minutes but it felt like hours and hours.

‘I phoned my husband Calan but he thought I was joking. He kept asking me to repeat what I was saying. It was only that I was so upset that he realized I was not having him on.

‘Now that it’s all over and he is fine, I can see the funny side.’

She added: ‘I took the video of him when he was calm and after I knew we were able to get him out.

‘I’m glad I took photos now – even though I was panicking at the time. No one believes me until they see the video and it will make a great story for his 21st.’

The restaurant has now removed the claw grabber machine from its premises and given the family a £30 voucher.

Kyra said: ‘I didn’t even get a chance to taste the food. I’ll have to go back to experience it, but this time, I think I’ll leave the children at home.’

If you have had a bad day and want to some cheering up then this should put a smile on your face. Here is a compilation video showing 51 funny kid fails.

Some of these fails are not children but adults acting like kids so it counts.

Enjoy!